Fear does its best work in the night.
I wake up at 3am struck by a terrible thought stirred by a bad dream. Some fearful situation enters my mind and I wonder how I would handle it. What if something were to happen to one of my kids? What if I lost someone I love? Would the panic kill me if I were trapped somewhere? My mind wanders in the hypothetical wasteland where there is no grace.
As the fear swells, I’m convinced I wouldn’t be able to make it through any of these situations. I don’t have the strength on my own and the Lord doesn’t give grace for the scenarios I make up in my mind. I try to tell myself none of this is true, but there’s still a sense of panic because any of them could happen. A fear strikes me in the night that doesn’t hit as hard in the middle of the day.
I roll over and check the time. An hour has gone by and I’m not any closer to getting back to the sleep I’ll need to make it through the next day. Looking for closure, I tell myself that I’ll simply have to trust God. Only he can prevent these things from happening, and if he chooses not to, then he’ll provide the grace and strength I need to make it through them. I’ve exhausted all other possibilities and found them wanting, all I have left is simply to trust the Lord.
Then I remember, trusting the Lord isn’t merely the last option, it’s the best option.